Have you ever felt pressured to be happy and pretend that everything is fine?
Do you feel like you have to maintain a facade to be loved and accepted?
Do you think that there is something wrong with you because you just can’t be always happy?
I hear you. I felt like this many times in my life. Until I learnt that it is ok not to feel ok and feeling down is just as part of life as feeling joy and happiness.
Here is the reason why.
The circle of life
Everything is made up of energy, you are and energy being. Energy flows, changes, transforms all the time. This energy flow follows a universal pattern of birth, death and rebirth that you can observe the best if you look at nature and the change of seasons. You may experience it as simply ups and downs of life. This is totally natural. Everything changes, transforms taking many shapes and forms and one thing is for sure we can’t stop the change, only resist the flow.
Denial leads to breakdown
In the west, we are obsessed to deny the death part of this natural process, we want to stop aging and decay, and insist on staying young and happy at all cost. However we cannot escape this momentum of life only we can deny it for a while. But energy flows and it cannot be stopped. When we resist it it only builds up and finally breaks through any obstacle in order to release and flow towards harmony and balance. We cannot escape what we have to experience, what we are here to learn. This is simply evolution.
Fear is the obstacle
Most people do not know how to deal with discomfort, process their pain or hold space for others. This just leads to more suppression. Often people feel afraid to show that they have a hard time, they are afraid of judgement and this can lead to isolation and the inability to ask for help. These are the contributing factors that create the chain of pain that can be passed down through generations. Until you decide to heal and break this chain of pain and suffering.
3 Tips to deal with not being OK
To break the chain of pretending and to embrace your true self these steps will help you to navigate discomfort and to avoid denial and eventual breakdown.
The first step is accepting where you are and how are you feeling. Acceptance is necessary to get unstuck and break the denial so you can create change. Remember you are not the discomfort you are just having a temporary experience of discomfort. The question is, can you love and accept yourself fully and completely even in these uncomfortable moments? Can you hold space for yourself? I believe you can. Remember, it is just an experience.
Once you allow yourself to feel and accept what is present for you no matter how unpleasant, can you give yourself permission to express them?
First to yourself then to another? Yes to another! After some time when you become more familiar with being with your discomfort, I invite you to tell about it to another person.
Of course it’s better to start with a person who you trust and know to be supportive to you.
Once you share your struggles, you will find that you are not alone and support is always available.
3. Ask for support
Life can be very overwhelming sometimes and we can feel lost and disempowered. This is just part of the life experience. But guess what! You are not alone! We are all in this together. We live in community and we are there to help each other. It feels good to help. So remember that help is always around you and always available. You just need to ask for it and be open to receive it. That’s all.
It’s OK to ask for help. You don’t have to suffer.
Life is full of contrast. Black and white, good and bad. We are here to integrate this contrast, to bring things together, to unify. Imagine finding the golden middle, the center.
In order to do that we have to experience the contrast to have a reference point.
How do you know where is the center if you have never been to the edge?
Feeling is healing.
You are the healer. Love is the medicine
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