The justification of violence
Recently I had a very powerful experience worth sharing. I have been attacked.
It wasn't a physical attack, more like mental, emotional, verbal but attack nonetheless.
I remember the first moment when it happened.
I felt it. My stomach crunched, I felt afraid for a moment and I was very uncomfortable. My body screamed something is not right. Still I allowed it to happen.
My mind ignored this powerful signal and made up her own justification. Maybe I have to hear this for my own good and evolution. Maybe this is ok somehow I was thinking, feeling confused.
I can see now that this is a collective behavior. It all starts with some angry words and although we can feel that something is not ok we convince ourselves to let it go, let it pass. Next time it escalates but we already justified this kind of treatment so we go deeper to convince ourselves that this is what it is and we have no power to change it. So we keep taking more. We slip deeper and allow the predators to take us as preys. We are so confused as we see that others are in the same situation, just taking it on. Maybe this is normal we ask ourselves. But deep down underneath the denial and suppression we are in rage and feel deeply the violation. Still there are no physical wounds and we stay in wonder maybe this hasn't really happened?
You see this is a familiar situation also for me. I was treated like this many times before. My own parent lashed out to me this way saying the same thing: this is for your own good.
I know better what's good for you, I am the boss and it is my responsibility to use any means to force you in the right direction. Sounds familiar?
I was confused because I wanted to believe him, knowing that he wants the best for me, but I couldn't fully accept because something felt really, really wrong. So I reacted.
When I was a small child I trembled before this authority and violent oppression. I was willing to do anything to obey and be accepted. When I was in my teens I rebelled against it. I put up a fight. After a while, tired in the fight I could see that there are no winners ever. In my 20's I decided to leave and say goodbye to the oppression. Many years later I moved to Mexico to be free and live in peace, without any confrontation.
And here I am now. Many years later, in the same situation.
It is true that you can go to the end of the world but you cannot escape yourself. Consider this if you want to leave behind your own life:)
So what are my options?
A long time past since this situation first occurred when I was a child. And though the situation is scarily similar I am not the same person.
I am not a powerless child anymore. I am a powerful woman and I am not alone.
So how can I use my power? What is the best way to defend myself?
Fighting is not an option. Simply because violence creates more aggression, hurt and revenge that goes on forever. Leaving I can't. I refuse to give up on myself and I refuse to take the abuse, no more.
What shall I do now? I sit with my heart and listen to the answer. I know I can trust that, it never led me astray. What does feel right, what does feel good?
And my heart says: Accept what is but don't take it personally. Stand in your truth, speak from your heart and remember that love is the biggest power.
So this is what I do. And as I do that others hear it too. People start standing beside me, beside the truth, aligning with love. I don't engage in a personal fight. But I say what I believe is right. And the attacker backs down, withdraws and leaves, leaving a trail of angry words and selfish manipulation.
It wasn't this easy but I spare you my struggle. Just saying that I am no saint and I gave myself permission to feel, to rage, to express all my frustration in my sacred space with passion. I danced, I roared, I wrote and I plunged into creative expression. I used all my wisdom and practice to stay calm in the eye of the storm and to stay true to my highest expression, aka not to loose my cool.
There is a big exhale now. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I am so proud of myself. I felt like standing in the middle of the fire and using all my power to stay centered. Not to react and lash out.
I feel a big release. Everything is out in the open.
I don't feel I won and this is not about winning or loosing.
This is standing up for what you feel is right in a non violent way. Coming from a place of love no matter what comes in your way.
Love is real power. I feel empowered and grateful for this experience.
I know that others have no power over me any more. I took back my power. Nothing can really hurt me, unless I give my permission.
It is clear to me that aggression is not justifiable in the name of love it is not for your own good. On the contrary. It is traumatic. It is a violation of a human being. It is the opposite of Love and compassion.
I choose to be empowered. And I commit to uplift and empower others who cross my way.
If you hang out with me long enough, I will brainwash you into believing in yourself.
You too have the power.
Stand up with love and compassion!