Many people ask me what is the dark night of the soul and what to do when you find yourself in it?
The death of the old self
When we are going through a deep change, transformation there is a point when we usually hit the rock bottom. This is a necessary step to break down the old, limiting structures and create space for the new to grow. It is really a moment of death, of your old self. Of the ides of who you think you are and your concept of this world. It is a fundamental shift in perception.
Everybody who went through deep, significant change in their lives are familiar with this point of darkness, this is what we call the dark Night of the Soul.
So how do you know if you are in your Dark Night of the Soul?
1. Feeling lost and confused
First you will feel lost and confused. Voices in your head wanting attention. Part of you wants one thing but the other part wants something completely different. Your mind is a battle field. What to believe? Who to believe anymore? Everything is questioned. Everything is falling apart. You are freaking out.
You don’t understand why is this happening, what is it good for? Scary!
But what is I would tell you that you don’t have to be afraid. That this is happening for you not against you. That everything that can be lost is really not worth keeping. That all that you are loosing is your illusions so truth can be your attained state of being. That this is a necessary purification so you can be true and you can be free. Would you surrender to it or would you still resist? Let go with grace knowing that you are stepping into your next level of expansion.
Tip: The only way out is through. What you resist, persist. Surrender to this process. Ask your self what do I need to let go of? What can learn from this experience? What action I need to take?
Fear is a constant company in this state. Because everything is questioned in your mind, your mental framework, your identity is falling apart. At this time you don’t know what to believe in anymore. Mental reference points seem to dissolve as more questions arise.
Most people fully identify with their mind and believe they are their identity. Most identity is false and created by others. It is really a set of programmed and conditioned beliefs.
When this false identity starts to disintegrate and dissolve people literally experience a fear of death.
At the same time this is an opportunity for you to go beyond the conditioned mind and connect to your intuition, to your higher self and spiritual aspect. I guarantee it is there for you. That is where your true guidance comes from.
Tip: Take a leap of faith, go within, trust your inner voice that is cal and comforting and never comes from fear. Follow your higher guidance.
Resistance is a common sign that you are close to touch on the real pain, the root issue that needs to be seen and healed and resolved. Your instinctual nature, your brain that is programmed for survival wants to go away from pain and towards pleasure. So this part of you will resist with an enormous effort to stop you, to deter you and to keep you in the old, comfortable ways.
But this resistance cannot last long. It’s exhausting to keep resisting this way. So it’s better to let go or be dragged as they say because if we don’t surrender willingly, the universe will make us to do it in a more painful way. You can’t resist change.
Tip: Surrender rather than resist in the difficult moments. Use your breath to move through discomfort and allow yourself to feel and express your experience. Feeling is healing.
4. Bursts of anger
Anger is another common denominator in this process because when we start to open and process our past pain and our real feelings we will surely encounter suppressed anger ready to be let go. Often this anger is so intense that it is automatically projected to the closet people and environment.
This happens because the mind want to understand why you feel angry in the present moment, your mind cannot understands that it is a suppressed emotion carried from the past that you are feeling and processing right now. It is a release of emotional baggage carried from the past.
But the truth is that you feel angry because you are going against yourself, you are not honoring your needs, speaking your truth, following your intuition.
Anger is a powerful emotion that can empower you to take inspired action and change things in your life for the benefit of all.
Tip: You can use your anger to step out of victimhood and set yourself free by giving yourself permission to feel and express it in a healthy way in a safe place, not projected on others.
5. Urge to withdraw, isolate yourself
When you are at this breaking point you want ti escape, run away and hide yourself. You feel ashamed, you feel something is terribly wrong with you and it must be hidden and never to be revealed to others.
This behavior is a trauma response that most people have. And because you are in your Dark Night of the Soul dealing with your trauma, it activates your trauma response.
But isolation is the worst that you can do for yourself. First of all, you can’t hide from yourself. And also you are the one judging yourself. Most people would be happy to be there for you with love in a time of need and struggle.
Second, when you withdraw you get even more trapped in your own mind, and continue to spiral down. Of course you can do it alone, but why would you?
Reaching out for support and sharing your experience is one of the best thing that you can do to help yourself.
Tip: Reaching out for support when you feel stressed and overwhelmed is an act of self love and self care. Often all you need is another perspective and some words of comfort to get back to your flow. Most people are happy to support you if you give them a chance and open to receive help.
A new beginning
The Dark Night of the Soul is certainly a time of death of who you think you were but it is also a time of rebirth of who you truly are. It is a chance for you to open your heart, take back your power and be free from limitations created by trauma and conditioning. It is an opportunity for you to heal and be a responsible creator.
Let go of what is serving you no more.
Open your heart!
Remember you are the healer and love is the medicine.
I love you