5 steps to resolve internal conflict
Love Letters to Self pt 4
The source of all conflict
The outer reality is a reflection of our internal landscape both as an individual and as a collective. Therefore conflicts in our lives are only the manifestation of our internal conflict and struggle.
All conflict comes from within. The only place to effectively resolve conflict is within you. The only person who can effectively resolve your conflict is You.
It might be hard to grasp first this revolutionary idea, but stay with me.
Step 1: Self reflection
The mind has a tendency to lure you into never ending loops, circles of thoughts, opposing ideas that might leave you stuck in anxiety and depression. I call this being stuck in a mindf**k, paralyzed. The first step to stop the mind and bring more clarity is asking yourself some good questions.
How do you resolve conflict? What is your approach?
Do you fight or suppress, withdraw maybe run away?
How is your approach working out for you? Do you get the desired results? Are you more happy?
Expression: Observe and write down internal narrative
The way you think, you behave. Your actions create your life experience. Some of your thoughts are conscious and some of them you are not even aware of, but like an old record they keep playing in the back of your mind. These negative narratives lead to limitation and repetition and can ultimately prevent positive change to occur in your life. Awareness is the key to notice and transform these limiting beliefs that hold you back from your expansion. Becoming aware of your limiting thinking is key to detach, shift your perspective and propel yourself into positive action.
1. Journaling is a powerful tool to expand awareness and practice mindfulness. It helps you to detach and see things from a different angle.
2. Morning pages is a helpful tool to and write without any censorship and uncover your unconscious, limiting beliefs.
I am lonely. I feel isolated. I don't have any friends. I am too old to make new friends. It's too late to change this. Of course other people have friends. They didn't put their eggs in the wrong basket. I wasted my time on the wrong people. That's how I ended up alone. Anyway, nobody is interested in me. I am too different. I never fit in. I am never accepted no matter what I do. Better to give up and just get on with life. What is the point of trying?
Does this sound familiar? It is not suprizing why the person who thinks this way is lonely.
Step 2. Asking the right questions
Asking open ended questions allows you open and expand your mind, end stagnation and move into a flow state of being where action is possible. You have all the answers within you, you just have to ask the right question. Good questions guide you deeper within yourself and they magnetize the right answers. Here are some some good questions to ask.
What do I really want? What would be the best possible outcome of this situation?
What would help me to move forward and find the best solution?
What is that I am not seeing? What do I need to see and recognize to make the best decision?
What is the next best step for me to take?
I want to have friends and want to connect with like minded people. But I never go anywhere and I don't know how to find these people. Maybe I could go out more and socialize. I love my garden, I could join the communal gardens, or sign up for a workshop. It's important for me to be very connected to nature. I suppose I could look up the local gardening groups on the internet, you can find now everything online. This doesn't take much just looking around and gathering some information, then I can decide what to do.
Step 3. Listening within
This part is the challenging for most but actually it is the easiest part. Your mind wants to understand things and figure things out, bringing you to an endless mental maze where you will surely get lost. So instead of trying to figure the answers out, let's quiet the mind and let the answers arise.
To quiet your mind you need to find a way that helps you to center and ground in the present moment now. Here are some ideas.
1. Using a mantra.
“I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you”
"OM Nama Shivaja"
“I am a part of all things and all things are part of me, I am here now.”
2. Do a simple pranayama like alternate nostril breathing for a few minutes to calm the mind.
Step 4. Noticing the signs
The answers to your questions can come in many shapes and forms. Sometimes for me the answer I am seeking just pops into my mind, clear and loud, usually when I least think about it. Other times the answer comes through another person's mouth but I can feel that the Universe is talking to me. The answer can come in a form of an unforeseen opportunity or a life changing event. And sometimes they just come as nagging thoughts and persistent feelings leading you to your answers.
Step 5. Taking inspired action
When you ask the right question and able to relax and listen you will find the answer. But you have to be in a receptive mode, you have to be open. If you do this, the answer will appear. This is universal law of magnetic attraction. Once you receive the answer and gain clarity the next step is to act upon this new awareness and take inspired action. Following these steps will help you to create what you really want and to move from a powerless victim to being a conscious creator. What do you have to loose? Take a leap of faith!
Now that I thought about this more I can see how my isolation was kind of self inflicted, as I was not able or willing to leave my own protective shell and really put myself out in the world. The truth is that when I trust myself and share myself with others I am accepted and appreciated most of the time. I understand that the walls are withing me built form my fears and insecurities and I am the only one who can take them down. The good thing is now that I have the key. I know what to do now, I have to be brave and move out from my hermit cage, the connections are there waiting for me.
Awareness is Power
Confusion causes conflict. The mind is full of other people's ideas, dogmas, indoctrination, contradictions and paradoxes. Conflict arise from opposing ideas held in the mind. Awareness and clarity is the key to dissolve this internal conflict.
The war inside you takes up a lot of energy, when you are willing to see and become clear, conflicts dissolve and peace becomes possible. This way you take back your power and now you can use that with conscious awareness. This is true self empowerment, being a warrior of peace, dissolving the opposition and ending separation within.
Thank you for listening...